A Little Check-In with Randomness

Day 89

I'm so excited! It's been a fast 3 months. I've never stuck to any diet/health/wellness program for so long without completely breaking down, feeling like I'm punishing myself, etc. I have finally quit wondering when the honeymoon is going to end. 

I got quite psychological in my last two posts. Sorry for dragging you into that journey without warning!

As I prepare to measure and weigh tomorrow morning, I know that chances are that I won't make it to -40. And you know what? I will be a little disappointed. But not terribly. 50 pounds is my June 27th goal. I only began working toward 40 a little over a week ago, when I had lost 35. So I'll be fine. When can I say that I've lost over 30 pounds in 3 months? Never! I am most ready to measure. I don't think I did at the end of last cycle. Last time I measured, I was at 43 inches lost. This week I bought a pair of jeans 2 sizes smaller than 3 months ago. I was ecstatic! I don't know how to even guess how my measurements will go. I arbitrarily set (just right now), a goal of 47 inches. 

I had so much to blog about earlier today. I need to start making notes when I have ideas and inspiration because right now I cannot remember what any of it was. I do know nuts and collarbones were two things, but I'll talk about those later. Tonight, I think I'll drink some more water with my Xypsticks and maybe unplug early again.

2 days to spring break! Waaaahoooo!

Embracing the dark side. . . .

One day to go, y'all! Will I make it to -40?

I don't know, but what I do know is that these jeans that are two sizes smaller than I would have purchased even last month feel pretty good!

I know you. You are very kind and supportive and celebrate my victories with me. But you also like it when I write about the dark side of Debb. For those of you that are still surprised that there is a dark side, you're my favorites!

With any lifestyle change, there will be psychological garbage that arises, but that garbage presents more things to work on. Hooray! (sarcasm) To quote my therapist, "We'll never be done. There will always be more stuff to uncover, more ways to grow." I promptly give her the raspberries when she says it. So with this lifestyle change that I have made, there has definitely been some growth, some psychological benefits, but it also awakened some of my "selves" that had been sleeping a bit.

I mentioned the first last night, The Pusher. Our pusher keeps us going, prompts us to excel, etc. When the pusher takes over, however, it becomes a "never enough" self. My pusher takes on a drill sergeant quality, telling me to keep in step, go faster, do more, give more, produce more. The business side of Xyngular has awakened my pusher. I've been keeping her in balance for quite some time. About four years ago, she was a front-and-center dominant self. But I've learned to incorporate her opposite, the beach bum, and create balance--until recently. When I am awake, not eating, working on school stuff, helping friends or family, my pusher is constantly telling me to make more connections, calls, send another email, create a chart or spreadsheet, which often aren't needed but the pusher likes them because it means I was doing something business related. The pusher keeps me busy. I have to be aware of her.

The one that is growing recently is the Resenter. She's partnered with the Perfectionist, the Fear of Failure, and the Don't Expect Too Much, and they are a fearsome quartet. The Resenter and the Nice Person are often at odds with each other. The Nice Person is happy for everyone and all of their accomplishments and achievements. The Resenter is a bit jealous. Jealous of people hitting their goals first. Jealous of the speed and ease with which some distributors sponsor people. Jealous of time that others spend with friends, etc. The Nice Person used to always squash the Resenter. Resentment is not a nice feeling to acknowledge. BUT--acknowledge it I must in order to work on myself. It's one of the darker Debbs that I try to hide.

And that, my friends, is enough of my "dirty laundry" from my inner selves aired today. If I do it all now, what will keep you reading other days!

Until tomorrow!

Balance and Counter-Balance

Two More Days

It's my last push to 90 days. I soooo would like to drop 4 pounds, so I can be at 40. But, as I try to keep reminding myself, the number on the scale are irrelevant. I'm feeling great, dropping inches, and feel myself getting stronger every day.

A lot has changed in the past almost three months. But old demons still creep out from the recesses of my mind from time to time. This past week has been an up and down week for me. My inner critic has dominated many days, only giving way to the pusher part of me that tells me to always be doing more, trying harder, giving more. I thought I had both of those in balance, but not so much.

I may sound all dark and depressed, but I'm not. I once thought that that if I wasn't completely giddily happy, that I was in the doldrums of depression. But I have learned, too, that that can be balanced. This week I will be making some difficult decisions. Some will effect me long-term, some have the potential to effect me long-term, but appear short-term on the surface. I do know one thing: without the confidence and self-assurance that I have somehow gained through these Xyngular products, losing weight, etc., I'd never be equipped to make the decisions. I don't know if it is the success of the weight-loss, or if it's the effects of the Xyng supplement. I do know that I can make decisions and accept the repercussions that may come my way.

So, my readers and friends, I bid you good night. I'll be back in a couple of days with results! I cannot wait!

My Own March Madness

10 days from today, it will be 90 days!--So, I guess that means day 80, huh?

Didn't weigh this morning.

OK--so here's the scoop on the plan: Tomorrow morning I will weigh for the 10 day push until 90. My goal is to be down a total of 35 pounds on March 27. I'm down 2 shirt sizes and 1-2 pant/skirt sizes. On the 27th, I'm then going to only weigh once a month. I am still tending to get a bit obsessed with the numbers on the scale. I will continue to measure, however at the end of each 8-day cycle. Longer term goals, I'd like to be down an additional 2 sizes by May 27. I've never lost sizes before, so I don't know if that is do-able or not, but hey I'll shoot for it!

I'm finding out that keeping snack foods, even healthy ones, in the house is not a good idea for me. Emotions and boredom still rear their ugly heads every now and then, and I snack when I'm not hungry. At least it's healthy, but sometimes counter-productive. I think part of the problem is not getting enough protein during one of the meals/snacks. So, I'm going to go back to basics and weigh the proteins before I eat/pack my lunch, etc.

Meanwhile, my friends who are on their own journeys to wellness are doing fantastic as well. They are true inspirations, coupled with the encouragement I get from you! Below is Dawn, who just finished her first 30 days, and the 2 below her are Stephanie, who finished her first 30 days, as well. They are a little more ready for the beach than I am, hahaha! Their results are wonderful, and they have become great friends through the Xyngular company. We really have formed a community that is growing everyday. It's astounding!

.

You'll want to come back and read tomorrow because I'm going to talk all about another aspect of myself that I'm working on. You all like it when I share my darkness--lol! Have a good Monday (Oxymoron? Maybe.)

Looking forward to a new week. . . .

I have no clue what day! LOL

Holding steady poundage-wise.
Forgot to measure. But--my pants fall down when I walk. That's a good sign, huh?

Let me say this--Last week was 2 weeks long! I didn't think Friday would get here. It was stressful and icky, and I'm looking forward to Spring Break as much as my students are. (For my Lex. 1 colleagues--9 school days--hallelujah!)

I almost had a role in a play this week. That is what started off the stress. (Please note that I've edited 4 paragraphs of the angst-filled day on Tuesday. It threw me for a loop, but would've been boring reading for you.) I met with the director on Tuesday morning. Let him know I would take the part Tuesday afternoon. He said the music director would be in touch with me about singing for him. That was the last I heard. I was on the fence about taking the role. So maybe this was a sign that it was too much right now. I won't lie and say I'm not a bit disappointed.

Meanwhile, I am juggling adolescent schedules to produce our school spring production. It is going to be a riot if I can get everyone there to rehearse instead of at other rehearsals, volleyball practice, orthodontist appointments, at home with the flu, celebrating their mother's birthday. And it's Girl Scout cookie time!

I was not amused by much. My efforts to lose weight were hindered. But I did make choices mindfully. And nothing was an all-out pigfest! Hahaha.

The week ended up good--or well, I'm not sure. Went out with some friends from work. It was nice having someone holding me accountable, there. My friend, Leah, would whisper to me, "Are you sure you should be eating that?" (She was afraid my judgement was a bit impaired. LOL) It was nice having someone watching out for me. I splurged a bit. And found that orange vodka with carbonated water is pretty good, and has no carbs!

I'm not sure what it was about this week. I'm just glad it's over. But, hey, it produced this mixed bag of a blog post. Which, I miss writing daily, by the way. Maybe I will get back to that this week. Shorter regular posts. Hmmmm. That may be do-able. I think that's all I have tonight. . . .

Reality Bites, or Much Longer Than My Last Post

Day 74
Down .4 of a pound

What a journey!

Had a dose of reality this past weekend. Sunday morning, after springing ahead--which my iPhone did, but my alarm clock didn't, which is odd because it's a docking station; this made me late for church, so I didn't go--reality slapped me right in the face. Now, if you haven't noticed, I do have a flair for the dramatic. So what I call "reality slapping me in the face," other people may just call--I don't know Sunday, Thursday, fill in your day here.

I snuggled in bed longer watching silly sitcoms, which I love, love, love, talking intermittently to the dogs. They were still on the "old time" and did not want to be disturbed. I checked Facebook, my texts, my email, my bank account. Blah blah blah blah. And then it hit. Like the anvils that used to fall on Wyle E. Coyote. I wanted whatever food was in the commercial that happened to be on, or whatever was on the show I was watching. Pizza. Spaghetti. Pop Tarts. Taco Bell. All 3 new flavors of Lays potato chips (so I could vote on my favorite one). Being bombarded with all of those commercials prompted me to make a list of everything I want to eat--RIGHT THEN! It was a bit of insanity.

So  I texted a good friend, who promptly told me that I wasn't craving anything, that it was an emotional need that needed filling. I hate it when he's logical. I don't know what I expected, "It's ok, Debb. Go get you a Big Mac, fries, and a Coke." He told me to journal about it. HE told ME to journal about it. What the heck?? Journaling, (My computer hates it when I make nouns into verbs.) writing is my thing, no one has to tell me when to write. I was a bit attitudenal; however I just thanked him. Blech. I covered my head and secretly plotted ways to derail myself--well, kind of.

At 3:00, I finally emerged from the bedroom and decided to get dressed, so I could drag my Godson with me to go grocery shopping for the week. I've always hated grocery shopping alone; it makes me lonely. (I know you mothers out there probably wish you could go alone.) I didn't want to make a list. Didn't want to think about what to cook. I was exhausted--planning what I was going to eat and when--I didn't want to do it. But, like my friend, Nicole, posts often on Facebook, "If you fail to plan, then plan to fail." Again, I say, "Blech!"

Uninspired, I picked up proteins and veggies that I knew I could do something with when the time came. Drew was wonderful, doing a lot of the label reading for me. In the end, I bought a lot of good stuff that will last a long time, rather than the two or three days' worth I typically picked up. I even remembered peanut butter, peanuts, beef jerky and--gulp--pork rinds for those on-the-go, need something snacky snacks. I had not eaten all day, and even after taking Drew home, I thought, "If I just go through the McDonald's drive-through and get a happy meal, it wouldn't hurt too much." But I resisted. It still wasn't as if I was craving it. The thought of eating it actually made me a bit nauseated. I wanted it because I knew I should eat, and I wanted something easy, familiar, comforting, and I didn't want to eat or think or do anything remotely good for me. Blech. . . .

I made the smart decision and went back home. I ended up making a casserole with lean hamburger, egg substitute, mushrooms, onions, sweet peppers, and cheese. It was enough for supper, today's lunch, and to freeze three nice-sized servings for later on. Having never cooked kale before, I decided to experiment. I wilted it in a pan with some onions, then splashed a little balsamic vinegar on it. It turned out really good. So, as I cleaned the kitchen (which I had not done for awhile) and packed lunch and snacks for today, I began to feel back into the swing of things. By the time I finished my last glass of water for the evening, and took my last supplement, things were back to normal.

So, I don't know what it was that caused me to feel apathetic and a bit self-destructive. I like to blame as much as I can on the time change. Or maybe my bio-rhythms were off. Or it may have been because I forgot to take my prescription meds--including the "crazy" pills--for three days. Whatever it was, I sure am glad that the cloud has lifted. I am proud that I resisted the emotional demon that made every greasy, fat-filled, carb-loaded food seem like manna to me. I am happy with the choices I made at the store, everything that went into the fridge or freezer, except the tuna, peanuts, avocado and peanut butter (because if your food can't go bad, then it can't be good for you). It doesn't always go smoothly. I gush a lot about how great I'm doing and feeling. All that is real--remember, full disclosure. But yesterday, I hit a rock on my journey, and I kicked it out of the way and continued on. That, my friends, is a good feeling!

A Quick Little Post

With the promise of more to come later!

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Happy Saturday!

Babblings about some things. . . .

Day 69

It's results day! I've been crazy-pumped all day.

-33.7 pounds

-43 inches

Woo-hoo! My goal for the next round is to be down 3.3 more pounds to make an even 37. And as far as inches go, I am amazed at how they keep disappearing. I don't understand it. So I'm just going to say a continued downward trend.

I went to supper with my good friend, Beth, today--at a Mexican Restaurant! And I didn't get tacos. I did get fajitas, but didn't eat the tortillas. I did get cheese dip for the nachos. I had an a-ha moment. I didn't really want the chips. They were only a vehicle to get the cheese dip to my mouth. I don't know what I'll do with that, tuck it away somewhere. Needless to say, it was an off day. As is tomorrow. 

I'm going to supper with a former student tomorrow. He's the kind of boy I would have wanted to have, if I had had children. He's brilliant and will explain to me the difference in digesting carbs, fats, and proteins. (I'm truly writing stream of consciousness tonight. Admittedly I am not James Joyce.) I guess my point for all of this is two-fold. Making the lifestyle changes that I have is changing my cravings, how I think about food, and is making me more mindful of how/what/and why I eat. I've probably said that in earlier posts, but sometimes it strikes me in a different or a clearer way. The second point is that it is not difficult to work the lifestyle into everyone's life. I chose to wait for an off day because it's his turn to choose where we go. Being an adolescent, who knows where that will be?!? I wanted to go on a day when i could splurge a little. But, I could've just as easily gone to dinner during the 8-day cycle, and just chose more carefully. 

Wow--this is not the best post in the world. I can't focus. Now that I think of it, it might be because I had a diet soda tonight. I never drink sodas or caffeine anymore. Maybe that's why I've been bouncing around like a mad woman! So, before I babble on, I'm going to sign off!

Thanks for reading. . . . Even the non-quality posts! :) (I lost my emoticons! Oh, no!)

Runny Noses and Scratchy Throats

Day 68

I weigh and measure tomorrow! I'll be sure to post the results. It sure seems like a long time since I post results last. . . . Oh, well--I'll do it tomorrow! 

I made it through February without coming down with a sinus infection, sore throat, the flu, upper respiratory infection, or any of the various viruses that are floating around. I say this because I am trying to fight off something now. I've increased my water consumption, which had fallen below the gallon I was drinking every day, to almost a gallon. I'm being mindful about getting enough and even trying to get more sleep. But Plants vs Zombies is so much fun and is quite addicting.

I truly think that part of my fighting off the illnesses that seem to almost multiply around me daily is my new lifestyle--specifically healthier eating habits--and some of the natural ingredients in the Xyngular products that I've been using. I know I focus so much on weight and inches lost, but these products are really health and wellness products. I just know that in order to get healthy, I've got to lose the weight and inches. 

I guess I'm saying all of this to remind myself this: Just like doing the eating plan and losing the weight isn't always easy. There are days when I just want a huge plate of spaghetti (more for emotional reasons than anything else). There are days when I may gain a pound or two, or weeks where I only lose 1 or not even that. In my overall well-being, there are times when I will come down with a virus or something akin to one. I will get tired on some days. I hadn't been really tired, like need a nap tired, since I begun this journey. Today I am exhausted. I just want to sleep. In fact, I will leave in 2 1/2 hours, walk the dogs, eat a quick supper, and go to my bedroom to fall asleep as soon as I can. My first thought was, "Oh, no. This isn't working any more. There is no more Xyng in my step! What will I do?!" 

Then I stopped, processed what I was thinking, and realized I was being silly. One pound gained does not really delay overall weight loss, and one day of feeling tired and having not much energy while fighting off a cold, at the very least, doesn't mean the products have stopped working. I'm sometimes prone to overreacting.

So, I'm going to get some snuggle down into my bed, pick up some Kleenex, and maybe some diet Ginger Ale--I love the way it burns my throat when it's scratchy--and get some more sleep!

To dream the impossible dream. . . (Or maybe it is?)

Day 65--I'll count days until I get to 90. Then, who knows? (By the way, I started this so late that it will also count as Day 66, too.)

Ok, 5 days later than my goal, but I've officially hit--and moved beyond--the 30 pound target! Woo hoo! On Wednesday I'll do a full report.  

I spent most of today working on the business side of Xyngular. Ok, working some and thinking and dreaming a lot.

I've set a lofty goal for myself, and I'm going to push as hard as I can to reach it. So, I've been thinking about why I chose to be a distributor, rather than a customer--cause I did have a choice. I have three immediate reasons:

1. To pay off debts--Student Loans, Hospital, Credit Cards.
2. To have extra income to help out friends/family members when they need it, and when needs arise at church and school, I'd like to have more to co tribute.
3. To have someone walk my dogs during the times when I have play rehearsals, etc., and it's 7 or after when I get home.

I've already gained so much that I'm thankful for:

1. Clothes that didn't fit me, but that I didn't give away because I liked them so much, now fit again.
2. I can cross my legs "like a lady." Still not as pretty as people on tv, but I can cross them!
3. I've gained time because I've had plenty of energy and no need for a nap. (Really, I haven't taken a nap in 65 days!)
4. I've made new friends, most of whom live in Illinois, who are inspiring and supportive.
5. I can climb the stairs to my apartment without getting winded--unless I'm carrying groceries!
6. I've gained money from stopping 3 prescriptions and eating out less. (Those McDonalds meals really added up!)
7. I am more comfortable sitting in auditorium and movie seats.
8. Confidence and personal growth in different directions.
9. I've received the joy and excitement of helping others! 
10. Rest--I sleep much better at night. Easier time falling asleep, no problem staying asleep.
11. I'm beginning to understand what it means to love myself. I don't think I ever have before this.

Add all of that to the weight loss and healthy changes I've made, and I'm a happy girl! If the business aspect doesn't take off, although I am confident it will, I've been given so much already!

I can't wait to continue to tell my story and help other people. That's is what is the most fun--you thought I was going to say funnest, didn't you?--about this journey. Helping other people change their lives, find their potential, get healthier, and move toward their dreams. And you can help, my friends and readers. If you know anyone who needs more energy, wants to lose weight, wants to be healthier, wants to get ready for the beach this summer, or is looking for a way to earn some extra money, please have them contact me. Pass on my name, tell them to message me on Facebook, or email me at debbadams@gmail. This is life-changing, and I love to share!