Roller Coaster. . .

. . . Ooo, ooo, ooooo

I was trying to sing that song. Are you now singing it in your head? What is it called when a song gets stuck in your head? There's a term for it. BRB--I'll look it up. EARWORM! It's not as cool as I had built it up in my head. But there it is. Roller coaster. . . .♫ ♪

It's been a great weekend. Had dinner with some wonderful women I attended the Midlands Writing Project with last summer. Saw three of my favorite girls in their gymnastic recitals on Saturday. Unfortunately, they were all about 2-2 1/2 hours apart, so we wore a trail in the road back and forth. They did great, all three, and I am not at all biased! (Just ask me.)

Today I went "Curvy Yoga" at Lotus Yoga Center, here in Lexington. What a wonderful experience! It's in a place in Lexington called The Old Mill--and it is. I love The Old Mill, and I love the room where Lotus Yoga lays its mat. My first impulse was to do a Vlog there. I don't know if my video would capture it, but it can't hurt to try.

Last night, had a little moment when I was scrolling my Facebook feed. I came across someone's post and there were a couple of awesome names within the post. My first thought, "When I have a baby, if it's a boy, that'd be a cool name for him." And then it hit. I won't have a baby. As I think back, since my surgery in September, I've done that on several occasions with different things; however, this is the first time it hit me, "Duh, that's not going to happen." It was a moment. In the past I talked about adopting a child from the DRC (Congo), or adopting an older child from the US that needed a mom, or even fostering. I've even talked to several people about these ideas and contacted some agencies. What I did not tell anyone (other than Phoebe) was that about a year ago I began looking into in vitro fertilization. Looking back now, I'm glad I didn't tell anyone else because it is no longer an option. (The others are, I know.) I think the full reality of that fact hit me last night. Damn Facebook--see what you did! Hahaha. . . .

Today at yoga, I battled some anxieties about not being able to do it "right." And definitely not as beautifully as the yogi. But Alma and Deb put my mind to rest--and rubbed some lavender on my wrists to help me relax. It was a wonderful experience. But it wasn't until Savasana, the relaxation pose at the end, that I realized how hard it is to shut my mind off and just be. I was thinking of everything from wishing I had taken some Accelerate before I went to the studio, to incorporating some of the poses into our theatre warm-ups, to thinking of what I would blog, to my Xyngular business. I guess that is why when you "do" yoga, it's called "practicing yoga." One of the other wonderful women in attendance suggested that I meditate more often to give my mind some time to relax. That may be a good idea.

Of the many wonderful thoughts I had and lessons I learned during this two hour workshop is how much what we do is connected. In therapy we talked about accepting myself where I am now, and not where I was 10 years ago or where I want to be in 10 years. I've also had similar conversations when I went to Spiritual Direction sessions, with my chiropractor, when I had a physical trainer, even in some writing classes. We talked about that today, as well. The same is true--multi-venue, maybe not all--with relaxing and letting the thoughts drift from my mind and not dwelling on them, and remembering to breathe. (I have a horrible habit of holding my breath in when I'm exercising, etc.) Maybe my life is too compartmentalized? The lesson the Universe wanted me to learn was to bring all aspects of me into all areas of my life? I'll ponder that for awhile.

I'll leave you with one more thought. As Alma--the yogi--was talking about our breathing, something else popped in my head that prompted me to create the following collage:

This week I'm going to mindfully focus on giving back positivity.

Trying something new. . .

. . . and a little scary





How fun was that? Believe me, I am critiquing away. But, I thought it was nice for a change. Maybe not for a steady diet. We'll see. . . .

Milestone
I went swimming today. In the pool at the apartment. For the first time. In almost 2 years of living here. This is huge folks! (This is also why my hair looks slicked back in the video.) I did move into this complex because it has a pool. I moved into this specific apartment unit because it is close to the pool. And until today, I had not even walked up on the pool deck.

I survived! (Obviously, or I'd be a ghost typing this.) It was hard. I did peek out my bedroom window to see how crowded it was. And I was a bit anxious when new people would come. I went swimming, and it was awesome--and still a little cold. (Every time I put my head under, it'd take my breath away.)

What's more is I love to exercise in the pool. I remember some of the stuff Jenn, the Lean Mean Aquafit Queen taught me when I went to the gym and used the pool. I worked out for about 45 minutes, and came home and had a yummy Lean shake. Mmmmmm.....

For you to truly understand how big this is, you need to know this. Back in the fall, I would not even go outside of the apartment if I heard people on the sidewalk on in the "halls." I did not want to be seen--at all. I wouldn't walk the dog. Wouldn't go get the mail. Go to the office. I even wouldn't go get something to eat or go to the grocery store if I heard people out there. Much less appear in front of people in a bathing suit!!

Epiphanies

1. It's been hard to get back on track after about a week of "Pigfest." Today, Day 3, was not hard. I realized that I was detoxing! I think it was not as hard the first time I detoxed because I was carried by the newness and the excitement of the whole Xyngular system. Don't get me wrong, I'm still excited, but it was just harder. I'm good now, and ready to tackle the rest of this cycle!
2. Along with starting fresh being hard, I also found that from 4:00-ish through 8:30-ish I've been ravenous. I'm talking eat my fist hungry. Beyond needing a bit of protein hungry. Today, that has not been the case. This may be because of one (or more) of three reasons:
1. I have been detoxing.
2. I have not been busy during those hours until today. Boredom=feigned hunger.
3. I have not been eating enough protein at lunch/snack, etc. 
4. Or a combination of the three.
3. I have not been drinking enough water. I know, I know, I should. Sometimes I just am not that thirsty. Today I am back on track with that, too. (Thanks to my students for helping encourage me!)

OK. Well, that has been a lot for today. I will sign off now. I hope everyone has a good rest of the week! Thanks for watching/reading!

Yes, I hit it. . .

. . . hit the discipline wall

Yes, y'all. Once again I prove that I am not infallible. (Like there was ever really a question, right?) For over 4 months I have been living this new healthier, clean lifestyle. And I've been fairly "braggy braggy" about it, too, if you want to know the truth. After cycle 11, I took longer than 2 days off. And now I am having the devil of a time getting back on the 8 day cycle. Sad me.

On top of that, I realized that I need to work on days off and going completely "hog wild." Emphasis on the word hog. Feeling a bit angry with myself right now. Luckily it is bed time, so soon it will be a new day, a time for me to redeem myself. Hopefully. . . .

So friends, especially those of you that complained that I was making this look easy. I've fallen a bit. It is still easier than anything else I've ever tried. But, like everything else, there will times that I'm sailing along, and times when it feels like I'm fighting for life. Keep me in your thoughts, please. Send me some collective waves of strength. This is just a speed bump, or speed mountain (if I'm in the WKHS parking lot), I know that. I still need some positive vibes sent my way, and maybe my friend Leah to leave her baby with her husband for a few days, so she can be beside me saying, "I'm just making sure that you are sure you want to be eating that!" She's good at that, and very diplomatic, as well! :)

Here's to a better Tuesday! Goodnight!

Bits and pieces, odds and ends. . .

. . . or just a bit rambling thoughts

First
A happy Mother's Day to everyone! Whether you are the mother of two legged creatures, or four. Or if you are an aunt who loves like a mother. Or a teacher. Or a friend. Whether you fall into any of those categories, or many. Mother's day is a time to celebrate you all! I believe it is coded into human genetics to love and protect and care for other humans, especially the youngest of our collective tribe.Whether by choice or circumstance we have no children of our own, we have the capacity to love and care deeply, and hopefully we all have been cared for by at least one of the ranks among us. So, today is a day to celebrate all of them, especially our mothers.

We celebrated my mom yesterday, with her favorite--Mexican take out! :) (The proverbial apple does not fall. . . .) She loves nothing more than to have us all gathered in the house. Sadly, my 2nd sister could not be there (name left out to protect her privacy), she and her husband did surprise Mom last weekend with a visit, and we were all gathered then. Mom, if true mom-style, deflected the attention from herself and gave me a Mother's Day card, thanking me for being her daughter. As if I had a choice! :) It makes me happy to know that I have made her happy! Love you mom! (You got a shout out in my blog! Hahaha.)

Second
This past week was Teacher Appreciation week. And appreciated we felt--although for SC teachers, it was PASS testing. From cards, and special treats, announcements and duty-free lunch/outside duty, our administrations, assistants, and secretaries at White Knoll Middle School made the teachers feel appreciated. I typically do, anyway, but the extras were nice, too. What meant the most, however, were the students that made a special effort to say thank you, even if I they weren't in my class this semester. The parents that sent emails thanking me for what I do. The ones that wrote notes on the bottoms of interims, and permission slips. And the very special students that emailed or texted happy Mother's Day today. Those sweet, special students that have forever left their marks on me.

It was also a wonderful opportunity for me to tell those teachers from Elementary school through Grad school how much they meant to me. And hearing back from some of them was really special. And those correspondences are filed away, both literally and figuratively, for when I need some inspiration and encouragement.

Third
My weight loss journey continues. I am fairly certain that most of you that read this blog are my friend on Facebook, but just in case there are some that are not, I'll post a before and current picture. (It's not after yet, because I have a long way to go.) I feel so good and healthy! I took an extended break this week--almost an entire week--in the hopes of confusing my metabolism in a way and speeding up some more weight loss. If it doesn't work, oh well. It's an experiment. I have utmost faith in the integrity of the Xyngular products. They do what they purport to. So, I'm starting a new 8 day cycle tomorrow. Ready to get back to clean, healthy eating. And ready to teach myself that days off doesn't necessarily mean "bad" eating, but still clean eating with just a little more calories and a splurge or two here and there.  Even though I was not actively losing weight this week (Not really gaining, either), Mom greeted me this weekend with, "You've lost more since last weekend!" While scale-wise I haven't, I am still re-shaping and toning, etc. My new-sized clothes are staring to feel loose already. I can see more definition on my arms. And I'm doing some research on targeted toning on thighs, stomach, etc. I don't have to, in order to continue losing weight, but I feel I need to get working on an exercise program, of sorts. There's a group on Facebook, doing a workout challenge. But there is one exercise--a burpee--that I just cannot do. I'm still going to give it a try to see if I can get a hang of it. Or I'll think of a way to replace it--mountain climbers, maybe. We'll see. It will just be fun to do this challenge with others for support, encouragement, etc. We'll see. I'm not going to stress about it, though. I'll do what I can to find what works best for me.

I was astounded that no caught the mistake on the dates. (Either that, or they didn't want me to freak out if they told me. Hahaha.) Rest assured that the 3rd row should be on 5-08-13! On this collage, I can finally see the resuls without having to scrutinized each little millimeter. )We're always hardest on ourselves, aren't we?





Fourth
I had a conversation with someone recently that is a wonderful friend and reads my blog regularly. He was worried or hurt by something I had because he thought I was referring to him. (I wasn't. Now I am, though. Hahaha.) I hope want all my friends and loved to know that these posts are not not a way to passive-aggressively air any grievances or dirty laundry. Hahaha. That's what Facebook is for. Just kidding!! I'm just chronicling my journey--all of them: weight loss, spiritual, personal growth, etc. I never want anyone to feel "called out" in my posts. I try to use as few names as possible to honor privacy. I use this to entertain and communicate and hopefully inspire those of you that follow, or some that stumble upon it. I use it as a way to process what is happening in the world around me. A means of self-therapy, you may say. So, I sometimes prattle on and on as I work things out, and you may stop reading. Some subjects involve some of my readers, and I encourage you to leave comments, if you'd like. And finally, I also encourage anyone to contact me if you feel like I misspeak, misrepresent anything, or flat out hurt your feelings.

Finally
I do enjoy writing these posts. It keeps me writing, when otherwise I may not take the time. Knowing I have a bit of an audience helps as well. It helps me be a better writer, even though I don't always prove it. There are some posts that I do feel are quality work, however. Not all. We all have our off days, right? And in the spirit of appreciation--I do appreciate those of you that read faithfully. It makes me smile. As I regain my focus on my journey to wellness, I hope that if you know someone that this blog may help, please share the website. I found a meme on Facebook this weekend that I'd like to keep as a personal mantra. It explains why I'm doing all of this:

I love this. I believe I was put here to help others: children, adults, friends, and strangers. Whether that is physical help or through inspiration, I take my mission to heart. I hope I can give each one of you that reads this something, too. Even if it's just a laugh once in a while.


Have wonderful week, friends! And for the teachers out there--it won't be long now! :)

Today's been. . .

. . . a day! (and it's only 1:00 pm)

But instead of going negative, I'm going to keep this short, sweet, and positive--

45 pounds gone--officially! That's hard to fathom, until I think about the 45 pounds that I used to put on the machine to work my arms when I went to the gym. Man, I got tired quickly then!

Speaking of gym--and no, I'm not joining a different one-- last night I did actually use some of the exercises that I found on Pinterest. All 4 or 5 of them consist on lying on my back with my feet on the wall. I figure any exercise that I would've gotten in trouble for doing when I was a child can't be all bad. Kind of fun, actually. No impact. Lots of stretching legs, hips, abs, etc.

Here's the site: http://www.prevention.com/fitness/strength-training/love-your-lower-body . The dogs thought I was nuts! So that was another bonus.

I may actually have a real Coke today. I deserve it!! (It's an off day.)

In case you didn't get if from yesterday's post, I LOVE MY XYNGULAR. Take a leap of faith and join me!

I'm going to go be kind to someone now just because I want to! Cheers!

Playing, playing with my words. . .

An explanation

Today I gave 1 class the opportunity to write for 10 minutes. I call it a mind dump, mainly because that's what you do, just dump everything out of your mind. The kids, however, several years ago told me that it's like your brain is "taking a dump." Their words, not mine. But they liked it. And it's middle school. And scatological humor kills in middle school, so I've stuck with the name. Some kids ask for a topic, and I give them a broad one: family, friends, school, decaying roadkill. Then they put pen to paper--or fingers to "keyboard" on the iPad--and write for 10 minutes. Whatever comes to mind, however it comes to mind. Sometimes we get stories, sometimes we even get poems, sometimes we get revelations, often we get streams of consciousness and when we share, we laugh about the tangents our mind takes. Well today, I wrote--typed--along with them. My broad topic was Xyngular, and I began it as a list. However, as I promised last week, I decided to take what I had written and change it to a Wordle. (Awesome site, see www.wordle.net) It takes the words most-used, throws out the little words: a, an, and, the, I, etc., and puts the words into a cool shape-like blob. I made 4 using the text of my "mind dump." I wanted to see different effects. I'll include all 4, as well as the original text for the "dump" below. (Fingers crossed that I can get this to work!)

Other than Xyngular, what words stand out? Do different ones stand out on different Wordles? The original text is below, and true to the spirit of the "mind dump," I did not edit, check spelling, punctuation, grammar, etc. That's also the reason it may sound repetitive or juvenile. I was typing against the clock. And didn't take a second more! All hail the mind dump--Huzzah!!

 I hope everyone had a great Monday!


Xyngular is a God send, or Why I love Xyngular.

Xyngular products have offered me a way to get control of my eating

Xyngular has offered helped me break my carb addiction face life with more energy and become successful at losing weight and becoming healthy

With the Xyngular products I have learned to make healthy wise clean choices when I eat. And though intellectually I could do this before, I wasn’t able to.

The energy I gain from the Xyngular products has helped in my professional and personal life.

Before I began taking Xyng, I barely could make it through the day. As a teacher, it was hard with no energy. But the energy I have now take me through the school day, after school rehearsals and into the evening at home.

Not only has my energy increased, but my sleeping has increased, as well. And it is a deeper more restful sleep.

There is no jittery-ness that keeps me up at night.

I also have been relieved of the little and big aches and pains that used to aggravate me. The chronic pain I felt before was like a gnat that I couldn’t get rid of. It was something I lived with. So the relief is something that takes a few days and/or weeks to realize. I have found myself on several occasions saying, wow. My ears don’t hurt anymore. I like this long term relief. It is natural

Which leads me to the natural products themselves. I like that I can pronounce all of the words on the ingredient list. And I’m learning so much about nutrition and protein. It helps me maximize what the products are doing.

On top of that, there are the visible results. Results that people can see. Results that I can see. Results that I can feel! I truly find myself, when I am having conversations with people, saying in my head, “Xyngular can help with that. Xyngular can help with that, too.”

And things I never thought would never be affected by what I consumed—hair, complexion, finger nail health—have surprised me by improving. And sometimes it takes people to point these results out. I cannot see the difference in my complexion, because I really don’t pay attention, but others do and see what has happened.

Xyngular has given my  health, has helped see that I can be a success, and that this success is long-lasting and can flow to other areas of my life.

I love love love what Xyngular is doing in my life. And that the rewards are financial, as well. But that is not the priority. I want to share these products with everyone. I want them to know that they, too, can experience what I have and become the person God designed them to be.

The F Words. . .

. . . Fear, Frustration, Faith

Inspiration, or lack thereof, is an enigma. I had plenty of time this weekend to blog. I even sat down to do it twice. Heck, I have part of a draft for one of those "sessions." Yet nothing. Frustration.

I wrote the check out for my rent, paid a friend for a shirt she ordered for me. Checked my bank account. Fear. Frustration.

Went to see a close friend trying to deal with anxiety, and doing very well on a chaotic day. Fear. Faith.

Waiting for text messages, phone calls, and or Facebook messages to be returned. Fear. Frustration. Faith.

Changed my monthly Xyngular order, actually I'm ordering more, so I have some on hand for samples. Faith.

I've been wrestling with these words a lot lately. Their relationship to one another. How I deal with them, hence their relationship to me. I think we're meant to wrestle with things like this, and maybe never have concrete answers. Faith?

A close friend of mine has told me many times that I "cannot live in both fear and faith." Truthfully, it has always hurt my heart a little bit. As someone who is always questioning and wrestling with my faith to be sure that I am growing and not stagnating, and as someone who not only wants to please my friends/family and hell, even myself, but also wants to live my faith out in the world so that my God be pleased with me, I felt my faith was being questioned, well not questioned, but maybe insinuated that I didn't have faith.

Well, I do, damn-it!

Note, this is not a rampage against the friend who told me this, but a slow revelation of the journey discovering what it truly means. I cannot live in both fear and faith. Having said that, for the past couple of hours, I've turned to the internet to explore what psychologists, scholars, theologians, and normal everyday people have said about it. (The research bug hits very hard sometimes.) I don't mean to disappoint, but it is impossible to fully explore this in this one blog post, and maybe even ever. In fact, researching this has led to other questions, the relationship of frustration and fear, anger and fear, fear of scarcity, fear and the family of origin, and finally fear and love and the true nature of God. I may need to take a sabbatical to complete this. (Oooooo, there's an idea. Beginning my letter to Mr. Smith and the District Office right now.)

The surface, cursory answer that I found this morning when I was skipping church--I wonder how that ties in? O.o (face courtesy of one of my "fake sons," who does tie in a bit, in a weird way.) Anyway. . . . In a recovery discussion forum, I found this quote:  "'Faith is the courage that allows us to walk through the fear' and further explained that as I walk through the fear my faith deepens." Isn’t it amazing what we can find when we Google? I could go on a long tangent here, but I won’t. As I said before, “Anyway . . . .” This did it for me. It made me understand what my sensitive nature would have written off as a condemnation of my lack of faith. Instead it is a rally cry, encouraging me to continue on, even though my fear may be stopping me. It was in defense of my faith—that I wrongly thought was being questioned—that I began the whole “fear and frustration” line of research. That is what I cannot answer today, “What is the difference between fear and frustration?” It has given me a topic for my therapy session tomorrow. So I will go armed with a list of things that I can currently identify as what I fear.

1. my business not growing
2. unanswered texts/messages and why
3. disappointing my family and friends
4. running out of money
5. not knowing what I'm doing/being wrong
6. making wrong decisions
7. being lonely

I can tell you two things after looking at that list: items 2-7 have been on my list for a long time, and item 1 has reawakened/caused me to look at items 2-7 in a new light. (I think my therapist will be giddy with new therapeutic windows to open!) And I also plan to discuss with her the relationship and/or differences of fear and frustration. She'll be able to help me untangle what I truly fear from what frustrates me, if indeed there is a difference. (Oh my God, I'm talking in circles! I must stop!)

But in the time since I began this post, I've thought of many more topics that I can write about--all, in one way or another, tying into this journey!

• Salads, like sandwiches, are better when someone else makes them
• The frustrations of cleaning
• Celebrating friends' successes
• A Xyngular Wordle
• And others that have already flown from my mind

Have a great week, everyone!

I leave you with a photo a friend of mine posted on Facebook that really made me think . . . 

. . . and it may be a tie-in for this post as well.

She shoots. . .

. . .  she scores!

Hello, everyone! I just reviewed some of my April goals. Wow--did I have a lot of them; however some were longer term goals, so I won't freak out, yet. As I stated before, I hate setting goals because I typically get really negative when I do not achieve them. Well, my name is Debb, and I did not achieve all of my goals this month, and I'm ok. Sheesh--talk about personal growth!

Weight
I met my weight goal of being down 43 pounds and 53 inches. Almost exactly! I'm  going to shoot for another 8 pounds (two a week), and since I don't know how to set inch goals, I'll set an arbitrary one of being down 60 inches. I would like to target the belly some more this month, so maybe I'll consciously work on that.

Wellness
Good news! I went to the doctor to have blood work on Friday. Got the results in the mail today! I am not longer considered diabetic. No more meds. My blood pressure was good after being off my medicine for a month (which I don't advocate others doing, but I was very careful). No more meds! My total cholesterol is optimal; my good cholesterol is good, could be a little higher; my bad cholesterol is still a little high. Meds are iffy. I'm going to try to work on it with diet. Now this surprised me--my uric acid level is high, which causes gout (which is still a drunk ol' man disease in my head). I think without a flare up, I will continue to go without my medicine for that. I need to cut out some red meat and seafood, I think. That will help. And Xypstix for flare-ups! AND---I can cut my antidepressant in half! So excited!

Have not started an exercise regimen yet, but I've given myself the goal of the end of May this month. So, it's time! I've found some fun-looking exercises on Pinterest. I'll try them.

Xyngular Business
This one is where I really fell down last month. It is frustrating, but as I told one of my friends, I'm not giving up! Goal for this month--Gold Manager. I can do it. I still am working on developing myself as a strong leader, that sponsors people and coaches them, as well. I will continue to cultivate relationships within the company. I will also reevaluate my "Whys." I think about them all the time. I need to find what really motivates me to build!!

I'll work on my school and personal ones later. I've got some work to do tonight. And books to read. And t.v. to watch. . . .hahaha!

New month--new energy!