. . . do I sometimes sound like the Charlie Brown teacher?
I sometimes feel like I get sooooo repetitive on this thing. I hope that I do not. Even if I do, this is a journal of sorts, and I am just sharing it with the world--i.e. the 20 people that read it--and journals are meant to work things in our heads out on paper (or computer monitor). It doesn't escape me, however, that this must be the ultimate form a vanity to think that anyone would want to know what's going on inside this head! (Inner Critic speak) But it is what it is! (Opposite of Inner Critic speak) Owning all of that, I am just not sure how much is too much to put out in cyberspace. I've been known to be too dramatic in my writing. In fact, it is one of the things that kept the Lutheran Church from thinking that I would make a good pastor. In hind sight, that, too, was a blessing, but at the time I was truly bummed that the words I so carefully chose for my essay were used against me. Darn Lutherans. . . . {smirking--winky face}
Well, I had to make a tough decision. This weekend in Orlando is a conference for Xyngular distributors--managers and up. I worked sooooo hard last month to become a manager, and I did! Wooo hooo. I really had my heart set on going. And when the time came to register and prepare, financially it just didn't work out. I also have a Spring Production next week, so my missing 2 days of rehearsals would have been detrimental to the show, maybe. In reality, and after a pro-con list, talking to a trusted friend, talking to God, the stars, the universe, and reading tea leaves, I decided that I just shouldn't go. It was with sadness, but once I made the decision, it felt like a proverbial weight was lifted. I wasn't happy, but felt peaceful with the decision.
Here's what I cannot figure out. How do I tell the difference between making sacrifices for my new business and being "all-in" and not being willing to take risks, not stepping out of my comfort zone, not giving it my all? That's the cud that I'm left chewing on. Recently, the History Channel ran a mini-series of the Bible. And I'm not saying that they had it easier "back then," but I've never encountered a burning bush, heard a voice from above, been visited by an angel. I'd like a sign once in awhile to know I'm on the right path! Heck, even a descending dove would work. Wait a minute---Hey, Julie, remember the buzzards that kept almost flying at the car on our way to church on Easter? Could they have been my sign??? {rolling my eyes} I'm joking. . . kind of.
I do have signs, though about sharing my blog, those times when the universe is in synch--not the boy band, of course. When I think I prattle on too much, or am being too self-indulgent, self-aggrandizing, self-something-or-other, a friend will pop in with a message to let me know they are enjoying what I'm saying, or even that I've inspired them. And, yes folks, I am a writer at heart, a writer that wants to make a difference. Those little notes or even the likes on Facebook let me know that I'm doing the right thing.
Now, about missing XyngFling--which the name sounds so cool, like some of our sorority parties in college "Gag-Me-Green"--I am bummed. I know I'll be missing out. But yesterday one of my favorite former students was talking to me. He knew I cancelled going this weekend. So he suggested that a group of us meet at the musical that the high school is doing. He also suggested that we go see the Oz movie--that I can't remember the name of, but want to see--this weekend before it is gone from theatres. A little angel in blue jeans, making my weekend not such a bummer. Today I realized, he's missing the spring band field trip. They're going to Orlando this weekend, as well. Hmmmm...maybe we'll be each other's angel! {smiling}
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